I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
