i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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