Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How external is "for external use only"?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Couch. On fire.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
