its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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