So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
