Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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