the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
