those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.