Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.

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(410): View more from Maryland

what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(309): View more from Illinois

He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in

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(314): View more from Missouri

Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.

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(518): View more from New York

I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.

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