I'm going to jail i love you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO