Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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