did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
love makes seman taste better
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
