So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
