Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize