I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
