im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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