the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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