nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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