were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So. Much. Porn.
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