4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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