So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
