O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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