tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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