I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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