so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
