the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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