3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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