i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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