i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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