Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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