i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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