i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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