Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
