just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
