Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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