just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
MIDGETS
????
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
