Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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