Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh god it's open bar.
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