yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize