remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My dick has a subreddit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
