I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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