"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
