i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
