You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
