A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
