take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
