Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
