Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So vagazzling was a success
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
