It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
