Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Text me some of your sweat
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