I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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