Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
