you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
