I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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