i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
