he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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