I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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