I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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