we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
