Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You can't motorboat a personality
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize