I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
