My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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