She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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