So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
