a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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