I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
